Two Weeks In

So we are two weeks in to this family of five thing.  Its been crazy.  I'm feeling already like time is slipping away and I'm going to blink and Olivia will be 1 year old.  Since a week ago, there is good news and bad news...

Good News - I'm feeling a BIT more in control of my emotions.  I still waver from love, to guilt, to sad, to frustrated, to you name it at the drop of a hat.  I'm having a lot of sadness about Olivia being my "last."  And although Chad still hopes for more, I'm realisitic in thinking this is probably it for us.  It makes me so sad--never to be pregnant again, never to feel baby kicks, never to have those first blissful moments of meeting your baby, never to snuggle a newborn on your chest after this....sigh, just sad.  And obviously, like all moms, I'm struggling with balancing it all (already!)--but specifically time and love and attention for each of my kids.  I want to make them all happy all the time....haha, that's all!  :)

Bad News - We are all still so very tired.  Olivia is giving some 4 hour stretches at night but when you have to get up with two other little ones between 6-7 am, it never seems to be enough.

Good News - Kids love their sister.  They will often ask me to hold her throughout the day or I'll find one of them over by her in her swing or seat, just talking to her.  I love hearing them exclaim, "Mom! She's looking at me!"  They love to think about her love for them already.  Sydney is hysterical--she gives me a running commentary all day of things Olivia is doing..."Mom, Olivia is sleeping."  "Mom, Olivia hungry?  You feed her now?"  "Mom, Baby Olivia cough!!"  "Mom, Baby Olivia go poop in her diaper"  (I respond yes) "Oh, ok, I'll help you."  It is non stop and so funny.  They just love her.

Bad News - They are still out of control.  Often they are egging each other on and pushing each other's buttons which ends up in not so nice wrestling, pushing and/or yelling.  I know it is all a huge adjustment for them, but I'm hoping they come around soon.

Good News - I've had lots of help from my mom, sister-in-law and friends with Olivia and the other kids.  They have been having lots of fun and getting lots of entertainment.

Overall, we are adjusting.  It feels good to drive again and have some range of motion of my abdominal muscles even though I'm still supposed to take it easy.  It feels good to try to get used to our new life.  It feels good to not be so dependent on everyone else.  However, it also feels hard and overwhelming.  Adjusting is hard.

We'll get there....and in the meantime...I'll be thankful I have the oppotunity to adjust.  God's given me a great reason to go through this "adjustment" and right now she's sleeping soundly across my lap making sweet newborn squeaks and sighs.